I will be the first to admit that I'm an outstanding fashion victim - but a practical one. Upon swooning over Balenciaga's foot-cramping heights, I immediately calculate how many pairs of gel cushions will be required to save my aching arches. Upon spying this killer of a GOOT print in Emma's showroom, I decided that while one would find the slim opportunity to flaunt it a grand total of once, it would make one's shoulders look awesome, which of course justified all associated pains with the purchase. As to why I am wearing three watches today, I don't really have an answer - though my boyfriend would very much like to know.

But let us consider a shining point buried in that garbage paragraph. What kind of blogger would I be if I had no contribution as to how I would style this reptile magic? The kind of blogger who pretends they prance to the corner store in YSL Tributes and Oscar de la Renta dressy dresses. That's what (granted, they do look amazing). So before I tell you how to win this dress, I'll first tell you that you could, with undone Chuck Taylors, actually wear this for a walk in the park.

Allow me to demonstrate:

That's how you freaking wear a dressy dress.

And so it seems, dear Josh, that your look-at-me bonded silk is quite ironically versatile. For the person who's buying this sculpted glory, I'm going to say that cost-per-wear probably doesn't come into the equation, but hell it still works, so why not? You're brainstorming ways to wear it in winter over chunky grey cable knits, you're tearing through your wardrobe to find a black tee oversized and cropped enough to make this sneaker appropriate, and baby you're just a few clicks away from rocking this garment to sleep - my treat:

1. Follow me HERE on Instagram and HERE on Facebook
2. Follow Velvet Lane HERE on Instagram and HERE on Facebook
3. Comment below with your name and Instagram and Facebook names (so we know who you are), email (so we can tell you if you win), and tell me what products from Velvet Lane you'd wear this impossible GOOT dress with and why - here, I'm wearing this insane surfer shade of Butter London Nail Lacquer, and you could just as easily pick a scarf, or bag, or jewellery, up to you. But make it creative, because the best answer wins (to be judged by the Velvet Lane ladies and I).
4. Tell your friends.

Note that you need to have completed all of the above to be in the running to win this GOOT insanity valued at $1329.00 - and you are welcome to keep sharing, editing your answer, and obsessively daydreaming about this dress until February 4 at midnight AEST. And international entries are absolutely ok.

If I don't see your elaborate plan articulated below, I will be bitterly disappointed in you.

Besides - if you don't enter, I'll gladly be keeping this number. And you wouldn't want that, would you? Oh women...

JOSH GOOT Reptile Racer Back Dress from Velvet Lane - Alexander Wang Heels (similar HERE ) - Butter London Nail Lacquer in 'Slapper' from Velvet Lane - ASOS Leather Cap (similar HERE) - Viparo Anika Denim and Leather Jacket