I’ve never been one for aviators – mostly likely due to their direct association with Tom Cruise and slicked back hair. But, since I graduated from the fear of slicked back hair while overseas, I felt like I was ready to take the plunge. Tom Cruise, on the other hand, will continue to freak me out on so many levels. I’ve had Scientology explained to me at least seventy times over the past of two years.
While I will admit that this pair of sporty-opaque brilliance is more half the plunge than the real deal, I do prefer the matte clear frame and aqua-happy lenses – in the same way you’d prefer an idiot-proof lovechild of your holographic rear view mirror and Johnny Depp. Bob Dylan. Michael Jackson. Just as tortoiseshell and cat-eyed face armour serve the purpose of versatility, I can see these Ray-Bans being the full stop to any ensemble, even if that means dragging your jersey tee and leather sweatpants out of the pyjama gutter. On top of that, they’d work on pretty much any face shape – even if you’re not Georgia May Jagger – and make all prospective conversations abominably awkward whereby your counterpart will remain cross-eyed and completely silent, regardless of how scandalous your speech is.
For want of a better use, though, I’d say to Zanita – baby I’m ready for Thailand. These glasses are bound to be just as powerful paired with bright neoprenes, weird crystal accessories, all white, all black, and a plate of pad see ew.
My only concern is that my hair would have to be either wet or greasy the entire time.
While I ponder this dilemma, you should go and follow me on Instagram because I just posted a really awesome cheese platter.